OBSERVING A PARADIGM SHIFT SUNRISE.
Cove Park, Day 6
My final morning at Cove Park’s brisk, sunny lochside and I am embracing my precious new ritual.
A steaming pot of fresh coffee and my chunky mug are on a perfectly sized tray for one. The notebook in my hand is eagerly awaiting my pen’s daily musings. Many a morning I’ve looked across the wonderful Loch Long ruminating on my immediate thoughts and reflecting on puzzling questions lingering in the air.
Such as my relationship with my body. Not a particularly happy partnership due to relentless pressure from gay male culture to fit in and look a certain way. Underweight from childhood to my 30s, now I’m managing middle-aged spread and navigating physical challenges from medical issues. I don’t really enjoy seeing myself dance because all I notice are limitations and reminders that I started to dance too late.
This week revealed that my perspective has become quite reductive dealing with all this.
Whereas Charlie’s outlook is different. Our conversations reveal that we have similar anxieties and fears about our respective dance injuries so it was a real light bulb moment when he said “If you're not ready to believe in your skills yet but believe in the person you're working with, your commitment will get you there, it will all happen for you”. Why the hell didn’t I think of that before? It’s so stupidly simple and could solve a problem which has plagued my whole life. I should be saying to myself ‘‘to do that, what do I need?” and not just assume that I just can’t do it anymore.
Charlie crystallised my dilemma with his provocation to switch to an opportunity mindset, beautifully summarising “You just have to change the bit of you that believes you can't change”.
I’m angry how stealthily my doubts have taken hold and gained so much power over me. I’ve adapted and removed possibilities unnecessarily. The prevalent narrative today seems to be that getting older means doing less and being overly careful, lest it will break. We should adjust, edit and tailor our lives accordingly. Well, I think it’s time to unapologetically say ‘fuck that’!
NOCTURN and my practice will have a new drive and different perspective from now on. A new roadmap lies ahead. Get ready, it’s coming to a studio near you soon!
Innovative use of technology stays an intrinsic part of our storytelling. However, I’m now embracing, celebrating and championing what us older dancers bring to the world. Let’s confront and consider our physical limitations, then put them to one side. We have a depth and breadth of life experience to unlock. The physicality and architecture of dance will of course be part of it but taking centre stage in our art will be the beauty of our creative intention. This is the powerhouse of what we as older dancers can really do.
I found joy in my dance again this week. Our unleashed artistic creation is everything and deserves to be seen. My practice will make sure that others are seen too. If you’re an older professional dancer who’s no longer practising, I want to hear from you. Let’s build a new dance revolution together.